


Ceasing Sunrises

by Astra Altiora (astreanox)



Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bittersweet Ending, Canon Compliant, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Post-Canon, Psychological Drama, Vanitas Appreciation (Kingdom Hearts), Vanitas is sort of alive or is he?, Ventus-centric (Kingdom Hearts)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-01
Updated: 2020-07-01
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:48:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25003390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astreanox/pseuds/Astra%20Altiora
Summary: It's been two years since Sora's absence, the passing time divided before and after his sudden disappearance. It was too sudden, everything that happened from the time he got out of his deep sleep, all of it was too fast. Ventus was drowning, flopping along the currentless waters, the heavy tarmac of deceit, betrayal and loss. He's been drowning since the day his heart went back to his body, his soul emptied over a body that only knows pure light.
Relationships: Vanitas/Ventus (Kingdom Hearts)
Comments: 16
Kudos: 28
Collections: VanVen Stannies Summer Event 2020





	Ceasing Sunrises

**Author's Note:**

> This is my submission for the Summer Event in the VanVen Discord server. It took me four days of no sleep and about 4 hours accumulated naps but its here and it's done.
> 
> UPDATE: Ratings have changed because of some gore depictions at a later scene. Please read at your own risk.

_Seven_ . He counts. It's the seventh time he dreamt of drowning, the emptiness he felt clung to his limbs like molten lead. The eerie feeling of sinking, when there's no land or water surrounding him was always the same. The empty dark abyss, the void that plagued his dreams and haunted his thoughts ever since Sora disappeared. Perhaps his heart had gotten used to the Champion of Light’s warmth, his generous heart able to keep any of the darkness at bay. When he was in Sora’s heart, there was no reason to worry or fear anything, he never had any of the bad dreams. He was protected, sheltered, safe and _at home._ He was never lonely, even as he ‘ceased’ to be himself and nearly faded together with Sora, it was never as cloyingly poisonous as drowning in an empty void. 

Have all those years of slumber made his own body forget how his heart was supposed to exist by himself? _It’s not ‘supposed’ to be like this._ Even if he wasn’t in Sora’s heart, his existence has always been special. He had Vanitas. The other half of his heart with him. It was somewhat a shock to know of his existence all those years ago, but he knew it for himself. The stained glass of his— _their—_ heartstation wouldn’t be complete—wouldn’t be _himself_ , without Vanitas in it. 

He sits up on his bed, wiping the beads of sweat that formed on his face. Thinking of the past had made his heart race. It made him long for the peaceful calm of Sora’s warmth, when he didn’t have to fight and he didn’t have to worry about anything, especially about darkness. He never knew how much darkness made him tremble that it made ‘rest’ seem far-off. His body has been rejecting any physical form of inactivity, as if it’s trying to regurgitate his existence. there was no true reason for his hands to shake, his body to freeze and his breathing to hitch. Darkness was nothing he should have feared, he and his friends had overcome the darkness of their hearts before! They fought and defeated the man controlling Darkness! There was nothing to fear!

… at least, it's what he tells himself at nights when he couldn’t find sleep to come.

Ven takes a deep breath. Another. And another. His clear blue eyes reflected on the glass pane of his window. He focuses himself, shutting his eyes closed, remembering the little memories of falling through the sky, fading away until one second later he was welcomed into a warmth he’d never had survived without. And now, that same warmth is gone, vanished out of existence. Sora needed him. Sora needed all of them. Wherever he is, wherever he may have ended up in for breaking, as Chirithy said, the Nature Taboo. He's saved them one too many times for a little fear of the dark to keep Ventus away from the mission to find him.

Aqua had told him the trials she fought in the Realm of Darkness, the way time moved and how the Realm dealt with filling her heart with loneliness and distrust. It was as much harrowing as destroying himself ten years ago. He had found his peace but Aqua had fought and wandered for years. Her heart had grown stronger, enough to resist the darkness that roamed and filled the entirety of the realm they would enter.

A shiver runs up his spine. The shake in his hands was visible under the quiet moonlight. No matter how hard he told himself that there was nothing to fear, the very thought of entering a realm filled with the very malignant presence that wished to snuff _his_ _nature_ out, terrifies him. His anomaly as an existence of pure light is what fans the flame of his crippling fear. _Pure Light_. It’s the part of his heart that remained, his shattered pieces gone to a place he could only surmise as ‘Darkness’. 

_That’s what he said, right?_ He thinks to himself, clutching the parts himself untouched by the murky numbness. _Did he fade away or was he engulfed?_ Was it Vanitas’s choice to disappear; did he have the same terrors but only in reverse—did he think that Ventus left him for powerless beneath the bright striking rays of light, unable to muster the light that Ventus took from him. 

_Was Vanitas drowning too?_

* * *

The portal to the Realm of Darkness opened with a shroud of darkness. The sound of their Keyblades appearing in their hands, Aqua and Terra stood guarded on his sides. Their armor buffed and almost shiny against the strange glow from the portal. He sees the new Keyblade Master wave at them, but leaves with Aqua for the Realm. He was Terra’s successor, both in ‘Will’ and ‘Path’, they traversed a road that found the equity between Dark and Light. 

He grits his teeth, his grip over Wayward Wind tight that the shake over his hands extends to it. Aqua glances over at him, putting a comforting hand over his shoulder. Although her amor was still intact, Ventus could tell that Aqua was giving him one of her kind and serene smiles. It made him take a breath and push on forward. Terra joins them from behind, he surmises that he took his time explaining to Riku what they would do within the Realm. It was about time for them to take another journey, this time, they’ll do it together. 

All three of them. 

They barely started their trek, the path they walked on was a mix of shattered fallen worlds and barren lands, steeped in a powerful presence. Aqua would constantly be on guard, her breathing erratic, but he manages through it with a huff. Her Keyblade by her side as she wanders to a direction not far from where Ventus and Terra were searching. Ven had kept his concern for her returning the Realm quiet, unsure and hopeful that Aqua wouldn’t take offense with his concern. He’d kept a watchful eye over her, but just like how she fought through the Dark World alone, she would face her fears too. 

Terra had more resistance to Darkness, his powers that control it still present in his system. He could easily wave away swarms, preventing them from spending too much energy on meaningless fights and taking too long within the Realm. They had gone through the Realm, thinking they’d find clues about Sora’s whereabouts, but where to start and who those ‘clues’ may be found; neither of them knew, it was wishful but they hoped that if something was there that would lead to Sora, that their hearts’ connection to him would lead them to it. 

If Sora is lost somewhere in the Dark World, they would find him. Ventus clenched his fists, repeating his thoughts like a mantra. He would find him and save him like he did. He would find Sora. He would… definitely find— 

_What I am is ‘Darkness’._ The look of his smirk burning inside his mind, the piercing golden eyes, filled stubborn pride. He glares at Ven with an assured high, knowing that he lost the battle but won the war. He got what he wanted. 

_But Ventus, I did decide._

—They were there for Sora. Ventus knew that. He knew that Aqua and Terra wanted to save Sora. He wanted to save him too, but… he’s not the only one he wanted to save. 

If there was a chance to find his other half, to the stupid half that declared his existence to just ‘Darkness’ then where else should he start, than the Realm of Darkness. Vanitas would probably laugh at him, maniacal and condescending; calling him an ‘idiot’ for thinking he needed to be ‘saved’. Vanitas would tell him that he never changed, that he’s as naive and stupid as he always was… that he was an idiot because Vanitas didn’t need to be saved. Vanitas would fight him snarl and grit his teeth, calling Void Gear into his hand, raising above him in his stance; he’d slam down, hitting Ventus freely, as his after images appear. He’d fight, they’d fight...—

He feels his eyes water, his cheeks wet with sudden trails of tears pouring over him. His tears wouldn’t stop. Next were the hitch in his breathing, the soft hiccups that signaled that he was chasing his breath.The hairs over his arms stood, the shiver of his sobs spreading over his skin in droves. His knees buckled, unable to step forward or turn; his voice stuck behind the lump on his throat. 

_What I am is ‘Darkness’._

‘No, that’s not… that’s not ‘you’, Vanitas! There’s more to you, there’s so much more to you than you cared yourself to think! Stop this, stop being an idiot and come home!’ He wanted to yell. He wanted to scream but his voice was lost. His head was flighty as the words he longed to shout to his other half repeated in hollowed echoes inside his mind. His eyesight blurred and the next thing he knew was the sound of his armor being pried open. His helmet tossed to the side, two pairs of blue eyes gazing down at him, their mouths moving, calling out for him, and then, it was black. 

Falling. 

He was falling. 

It was odd, the sensation of falling was over him, but when he opened his eyes there was nothing to see. It was. Pure black, an abyss. The very view he woke up to with shaking hands and sweat pooling over him. This black empty abyss. There was no way up or down, there was nowhere to go. He floated over a ghost of a ground, the air about him ominous and thick. 

Once again, the echoes of the last words Vanitas said to him entered into his mind. The abyss absorbing his thoughts without a moment’s thought, the echo of their exchange bounces off infinity. The frustration in his voice sounded more desperate the longer the shouts wavered around him without end. He hated this part, he hated hearing Vanitas make the decision. He hated that he couldn’t put his feelings into better words… even as his body was wracked with a guilt that spun threaded regret over the memories he has twelve years ago. 

_I could’ve saved you._

It seemed so long ago, the distance he put between them. The sacrifice he made that tore them both asunder. It was difficult to see, to understand, when he was standing before him. Vanitas threatened the safety of everyone, he commanded a horde of monsters that flocked and consumed worlds for him. He was a being made to be powerful. Strong. _Weaponized_. ‘He lacked humanity, he lacked a heart, he was a monster’, he reasoned as he shattered their heart out of existence. 

_That’s not you, Vanitas._

He hung, suspended, into an air that refused to release him. The bellowing echoes of his accusations, the words he’d said and the choice Vanitas made. It bounced around, banging on his conscience, piercing through his weakened state of remorse. He didn’t like that Vanitas made a choice to disappear, but what has he done to make him think otherwise? Vanitas was the part of him that suffered the most, he _was_ a part of him and therefore he was human. He had a heart and yet… all he saw and all he cared about was the dangers he caused and never saw through it. 

Suddenly, it was clear why Vanitas had decided to disappear. Why it was the conclusion he came to. If the only part of him, the remnant of his Heart—Ventus—truly thought so little and so terribly of him, the part of that should’ve seen the reason for his pain and actions, then what hope did he have to change? His purpose was to forge a weapon and without it, his existence and purpose for living is gone. His was a life driven by his utility and Ventus should have seen it sooner. 

The realization hammered down his guilt, the suspended air cracked; he was falling again. His consciousness fading from his grasp. The crippling wave of numbness entered through the tips of his fingers, corroding _him,_ piece by piece he feels himself lose to the void. Swallowed by darkness that surrounded him.

If Vanitas claimed to be ‘darkness’, the part of his heart that he lacked, then was his descent to the void, his heart’s way of trying to sustain a balance for his anomalous existence? If only Vanitas had come home to him, if he had given him reason to stay. If only he gave him a purpose to live his life for himself… 

_I should’ve saved you…_

_But._

Vanitas was gone. 

  
  


“I see. He is truly remarkable. Asleep for ages, his heart was one of those that existed within Sora’s heart. I did wonder how it came to be, the King had elaborated on the events that happened those years ago, but I’d never would have assumed it would come to this.” 

_Huh? That voice… Was he talking about me?_

“But… he had been fine for years! If that truly is the reason why he collapsed, why was he able to exist without a problem before?” Terra sounded agitated, worried and angry. His voice was a roar amongst the soft spoken people around him. “Ienzo, Ven had lived with us without problem all those years ago. His heart was broken when we fought Master Xehanort the first time, but his heart had returned, doesn’t that mean he’s healed?”

It was Aqua that spoke next. She sounded calmer than usual, a trait that told anyone that knew her that she was furious. Yet, she kept her calm. There would be no progress to whatever they were facing if she crumbled. Aqua was too strong, Ventus realized, too much fear let her build herself stronger. 

“Ienzo, what exactly happened?”

“If my study of the heart had told me anything, is that the heart can be a fickle thing. It's mysterious and works in different ways. Theories would say that a heart severed from 'Chaos' or the core of a heart should have faded out long ago. The body each of us possess is an innate armor against the purest existence of our universe, yes, but how it works is refractory of the universe in the first place. There must be a balance of both light and dark.” He pauses, footsteps taps over the floor. 

Though Ventus couldn’t open his eyes, he knew that the people in the room had surrounded him. He had consciousness enough to comprehend the voices around him, but it’s return was in pieces. He’s yet to move on his own and every attempt he made only made him feel much worse than before.. He could only guess that he had another ‘nightmare’ when they got to the Realm of Darkness and had passed out. Aqua sounded concerned and Terra was a mix of anxiety and frustration. If only he could open his eyes, he’d be able to assuage him that he’s fine… his heart was still intact.

“Ventus is only made up of light, yet he continued to exist. His heart must have been incredibly strong to withstand being separate from his darkness.” 

_I wasn’t. Sora’s heart kept me safe. I couldn’t… without my… Without Vanitas._

“It seems that Sora’s disappearance has affected him too: The part that healed Ventus, that part the Sora shared, is disappearing as well. It’s as if Nature itself is erasing Sora for breaking her rules of what is and what should be. Ventus is slowly losing half of himself, all over again.” 

The first time his existence had been cut in half, his heart broke from the loss of it’s other. He survived that, only barely, but Vanitas was lost to him and his lifeforce grew dim. His heart without any known darkness to protect itself, surrendered to repose and had a by chance meeting that saved him from his destined oblivion.Yet, still, his existence hasn’t changed, fundamentally. He’s still a being of pure light, unnatural and unlike the other hearts of the Princesses, he was an abomination. His destiny to fade away, is still the same. Evidently, Nature loves her balance and one tip too many to the scales of light, doesn’t bode well for all of existence. 

“Aqua. We need to find Sora.” Terra declares, panicked and determined. “It’s the only way we could save Ven.” 

She was hesitant to respond. Though Terra had said the truth, it was wrong to simply label their new mission as a means of saving ‘Ven’, they all agreed to go on a journey. They promised each other that the _three_ of them would go. Not Aqua. Not Terra. All of them. _All of us, you promised!_ He wanted to shout but nothing moved, he couldn’t feel anything at all. It was like being a blind specter only allowed to hear on-goings within the room. 

Aqua hums in contemplation. “He’s not going to let this go, you know?” 

“I’d take it.” Terra responds with brash considerations to whatever else Aqua had implied. “I promised our Master that I’d look out for you two. Ven can get angry with me all he wants, what I’m going to do is to give him that chance.” 

“Terra.” Aqua says, her entire existence at a loss. It seemed like the events from twelve years ago are happening all over again. He was losing Terra to his headstrong nature. Aqua would go after him, she’d fight and risk her life again. It should be that way. They promised that they’d do this together. 

He hears Aqua gasp and takes a gentle breath. “I think… He can hear us. I don’t think we should go, Terra. What’s important is right here, I’m not leaving Ven like this.” 

She said it more as an order, using her status as the ‘Master’ of the Castle. No one would leave, they go together or not all. The thought of being surrounded by his friends, made him feel warm. It dusted away the sheer numbness of nothing, tuning into the soft press of their hands on each of his hands. Terra and Aqua had held onto him, praying for his recovery. Once the decision to stay with him set in, there was nothing else to do but wait for him to get better. 

“I’m with you.” Terra says with a haughty tone. “Master Aqua.” 

In an instant, the weight over him lifts. The cut feeling from his body faded away, and he slowly managed to move his fingers and toes; flutter his eyes open to the same pair of eyes he fell unconscious to. His desire to be with his friends, to feel their hearts connect and wish to be together, made Darkness’s hold over him wane. Though it’s claws were still punctured deep into his heart, being within the arms of his friends, at this exact moment, was enough for him to forget the cloying sense of death from within himself. 

Ienzo easily explains the situation to the trio. Once Ventus was able to explain the feeling he keeps having, his recent building fear over the Darkness and the nightmares; it was a much faster process to cancel out theories and regain different processes on what may work with Ventus’s peculiar condition. Ienze, as scientist of the Heart, was greatly intrigued with his existence, even claiming to say that he is the first artificial tilt the Realm of Light had against its counterpart, but Ventus quickly corrects him.

“No. I’m… I’m half of who I should be. I… My other half, my darkness—“

Both Aqua and Terra were noticeably vigilant. Perhaps a part of their worries were coming to existence at the mere mention of _his_ origins. Vanitas had also toyed with them, picked fights and taunted them; but the worst act that Vanitas had done to deserve their ire is that they believed Vanitas was the one that broke Ventus. The one that made it impossible for Ven to remain in his body, to survive and live the simple life he wanted. Vanitas took Ventus away, and they don’t appreciate Ventus’s recognition of him at all. 

“—Oh, of course. I’ve read about him in the King’s reports. There’s no need to open old wounds, Ventus. However, I have to apologize to all of you, you called me here to get answers to Ventus’s conditions but I can only surmise a preventive measure.” 

There it was. The words that Ventus hated to hear. Ienzo, through his scientific and logical analysis, told Aqua that Ventus should be kept under observation. He reasons that there seems to be an imbalance to his existence and that without the other half him present to tilt the scales of Nature to equality, he would keep having these bouts of sleep spells and nightmares. Ventus's situation was different from before, though Vanitas was far and found in another place, there was no doubt that he existed. The Balance Nature so precisely keeps still equal. When Vanitas first disappeared, Ventus almost did too, had Sora not intervened. They were at the reality that the only two beings able to give Ventus the half he needed were both nowhere to be found, and Ventus was too weak and vulnerable for the Passages In Between nor the Corridors of Darkness. 

All they could do to keep him safe is to protect him, here, at Land of Departure until Sora is found. Although the question of ‘against whom’ do they protect him from, the biggest question of all, hasn’t been answered. Aqua agreed, nonetheless, a fact that Ventus could live with. She’s been apart from her friends for too long and the threat of being severed across different skies and realms is not a future she would want to risk. She only got them back and it feels like she is losing them both all over again; it’s not only her, but all three of them. 

“Okay. Fine.” Ventus spoke up, smiling at Aqua, assuaging her of her fears. “But the second that we figured out where Sora is, we’re going—all of us!” 

The three others in the room burst into laughter. Terra ruffles his hair and Aqua does the same. There was always comfort in his friends, it’s why he’s protective of them. He’d be willing to risk his life for them, but the past years have taught him that he could save them the misery and dread of loss, then it’s much better. He hated the idea of being cooped up at home. He didn’t like that he’d have to stay in a place when he’s needed elsewhere. Sora was still missing, his fractured heart felt that in more ways than anyone else; while… Vanitas… Vanitas was still _missing._

He made a vow the last time they met. He was bringing home, no matter what. He didn’t have to like it; hell, he’d beat the living daylights out of Vanitas and drag him back home if he had to. That’s what he meant. He didn’t mean for him to...

If only he could have made Vanitas choose differently, if he’d forced him to see the message through their clashing Keyblades and grunts in the Keyblade Graveyard, that Ventus wanted him to _come home._ He wanted to be whole too, he finally understood, he finally made sense of what Vanitas has been so hellbent on doing since they met ten years ago. All he wanted was for the agony and the pain to stop, to be whole, to be complete with his other half. 

Ventus finally understood, because at this very moment, surrounded by the friends he cherished, basked under the comforts of the Realm of Light, under his blankets and familiar stars, everything felt empty without the remnant of his heart. 

_Isn’t that what you wanted anymore?_

He turns into his bed, lying his head down the softness of his pillows. He stares at the wide blue heavens, his thoughts sweep him away to the last time they were ‘together’, the possibilities of having united and been saved from themselves filled his mind with regret and hopes that he’d somehow find Vanitas again. If only to yell at him, whack him upside the head and stop him from fading away. 

How could Vanitas be so selfish, how could _he_ knowingly choose oblivion and damning his other half to a life frail against the onslaught of darkness it could never keep at bay; how could Vanitas disappear, his mind at full ease, cursing Ventus to a life he could barely call his own. His nightmares have taken him hostage, the lingering waves of emptiness, loathsome anger and devastation wrapped along his neck and limbs. All he felt was pain, and all he wanted was to disappear and fade away himself. 

It was too hard. This scourge of immeasurable guilt of keeping his light in exchange for _his_. This is Ventus's curse, to wake up in a pool of his own sweat, his breathing erratic and his then restrained limbs, locked down by the phantom grip that Darkness had on him. 

Unable to escape. 

* * *

Days go by and Ventus found himself sinking back into the dips of self-pity and anxiety. Ienzo was right to advise Aqua to keep him within the Land of Departure. Though he had control of his consciousness, the sleeping spells and faints happen a lot more often than of them expected. His instability had gone through an exponential mutation that he’d drop to the floor within minutes of waking up. Ventus had confided about his condition to no one after waking up and passing out until twelve hours later. He didn’t want to cause panic, Aqua and Terra have enough on their plate. He’d passed it off as being too tired to get out of bed and the two would look at him in such forlorn before letting him go and do as he pleased for the remaining time he got before curfew.

“Ventus you to be more careful!” Chirithy squeaks his concerns, toddling from his rounded paws to where Ventus had run off to. “You’re not going to get any better if you keep going off on your own like this!” 

He's allowed free reign to where he goes, though not without his cute stuffed escort. 

Ventus swings his legs over the ledge, he sat at the same place where the three of them used to watch the meteor shower. Atop the mysterious ruins left in scattered pieces over the training grounds. Chirithy bounces next to him, it’s rounded eyes seem to glare at his huffing. He wasn’t in the mood to be told what to do, he’s already given away so much, he didn’t need someone limiting his freedom more than it already is. A pout settles across his lips, before gazing out at the blackened sky. 

“How come… Darkness doesn’t look so bad up there?” He muses, catching the rounded cat-like creature into a curious stupor. “I’ve been having… a lot of dreams about getting swallowed up by Darkness. It’s scary, but I look at it from afsr like this… it's so _mesmerizing_.” 

Chirithy nods and makes a small squeak. “I know. I’ve been trying to keep the Darkness when you sleep away, but there’s so much of it… I can only do so much. I’m sorry, Ventus.”

“No, don’t apologize. Thank you for helping me, Chirithy.” Ventus smiles, albeit distracted. He stares off into the sky, the blinking stars and messy dark haze of purple and blue. The worlds outside where he sat were a plethora of possibilities and endless adventure; they twinkle from afar, their light vexingly bright. He dreamed of having adventures, to spend his days meeting new people and fighting for ‘good’. The lights glimmered far away 

Yet, the numbness on his limbs were back and the clinging sensation of emptiness hung over him like curse. He's gotten used to the feeling that the sensation became second nature. He felt the draining pulse wane at his core, wrapped around his soul in vice grip of thorns. The pain was minute compared to the regret he felt, the well-wishes that came to pass through his mind every so often. The question lingered on, unanswered as Vanitas remained displaced from his thoughts. 

_What I am is Darkness._

“Like I said. Darkness… can't be that bad.”

“Ventus, what are you saying?” It shakes his head in worry. Chirithy flaps its arms, the cape in it's back wafting through the dusk winds; the expression on its toy-like face looks on in dread. “Darkness is the reason keyblade wielders, people and even worlds expire! It's a dangerous side of nature that consumes and obliterates everything in its path. Only those with hearts as strong can hope to conquer it.”

_But what of those who control it—those that were born from it?_

He's a lot stronger than me. He says wistful. He knows that Chirithy had eyed him strangely, he'd have done the same. If it was The Ventus of ten years ago, but time and the actuality of things made him reconsider. The impending doom of his existence played some part in his recognizance, but how much of it was fear for his own erasure or his doomed isolation without _him,_ he can't quite measure. 

“Chirithy, can I tell you a secret?”

The small paw lands on his thigh, a loom of determination and loyalty flashed over the cat-like creature. “Of course, Ventus! That's what friends are for!”

He chuckles and pets its head. “Right. Well my secret is… I'm afraid.” 

“Of the Darkness?” It responds, wary. 

“No, no.” Ventus tuts with a calm smile. “I'm afraid that I lost someone… a part of myself that I can never get back… and I… want him back, Chirithy. I need him to come back to me.”

“Then maybe he’d come back.” Chirithy pips with a hopeful mirth, flapping his rounded paws about. “All you have to do is believe in them. Hearts are connected and when we wish for someone to come home with all our heart, we maybe lighting their way back home to us!” 

Ventus wanted sigh ind dismal apathy. There were so many things wrong in that sentiment. Perhaps it’s true for those that grew up basked in the Realm of Light, but anomalies like himself, a creature of darkness, like Vanitas, the rules would apply quite differently. First of all, how can he wish and pray with all his ‘heart’ when Vanitas holds the other half? The very base idea was a mess. No matter how hard. Ventus wished to bring Vanitas back, he’d never fully could say that ‘all his heart’ wished for him to return, because it’s exactly what’s been missing. What happens to a Guardian of Light whose heart doesn’t completely belong to himself alone? 

“And if he doesn’t wish with all his heart to come back to me, what happens then, Chirithy?” Ven eyes a particularly bright start at a distance. Watching it glimmer and shine, twinkling brighter than others, the dark haze that surrounded it made it’s light stand out. Somehow the view reminds him of himself. A star, pure light, drenched in the blackest of darkness. 

Sinking further. Drowning deeper. Completely engulfed into _it’s_ empty embrace. 

Chirithy hums in distress. "I'm sorry, Ventus."

_You are my home, Ventus._

He turns his eyes to the small creature, smiling in an apologetic mess. His face had predominantly paled but some of the rosy tint were still puffed over the apples of his cheeks. Chirithy blinks at him in wonder, nudging Ventus to explain the expression that passed through his face. It was stupid to remember him, his words and his hurtful tone; there was nothing there anymore, they’re a hollow echo from the way the real Vanitas would say it. His. memories lacked his grit, agony and desperation. His memories would never be enough to fill in the void Vanitas left. 

No matter how hard his halved heart wanted. 

“Ventus?” Chirithy calls out with a nudge. 

“I… Uh… Call me ‘Ven’.” He mumbles, flushed. ”Hmm… There’s only one… uhm… _person_ that calls me ‘Ventus’, and I just… remember _that person_ whenever I’m called by it.” He pulls his legs to his chest and hugs his knees. 

Chirithy nods. “That’s fine I guess… but ‘that person’ why does he call you ’Ventus’, you and ‘that person’ must have been friends, right?”

The notion of himself and Vanitas being ‘friends’, a stark contrast to what they were. How they ended up at opposing sides of a war they’ve always been part of since their existence.They weren’t friends, they were the furthest from that. Vanitas would curse him to the depths of oblivion and he would have done the same. They were at odds, they fought for different sides, but never for themselves. How stupid was it that the one time Vanitas did, he didn’t even fight at all? 

“No. We’re not friends.” Ventus says with a smile playing on his lips. “He’s the most… annoying person I know. He’s always popping up from nowhere and asking me to fight him. He’d say mean things to goad me into calling Wayward Wind.” He chuckles, at the recollection, the memories of their past. “But you know what, Chirithy, I think he was just lonely. I think… he just wanted to be with me.”

“He’s silly.” It remarks with a huff. “If he wanted to be you and he could, then should have done so! So then you guys can be friends!” 

Ven laughs again, more pained than before. “Yeah… we could’ve been friends.”

His resistance to Darkness has significantly waned. He knew and felt how real the dangers he faced. He didn’t mean to lie to Aqua or Terra, but there was nothing that they’d be able to do. There was no else present that would be able to fix his lacking heart. He knew that Chirithy was able to halt the crippling advance of the darkness in his sleep, but the nightmares have latched their claws through him, digging through his skin and ripping away at the flimsy light magic that protected his soul. He doesn’t have much time and he’d rather spend it the best way he could, instead of being locked inside four walls of a castle he grew up in. 

Chirithy pads its way in front of him, hesitant at first, but nods in quiet determination. Ventus watched him open the pink purse around its neck and pull out a purplish block. It glowed an ominous purple, it’s surface was reflective like a dark mirror. The size was a quarter of Chirithy’s paw. It bows its head and it’s ears bent down, wavering at its decision. 

Ventus tilts his head, his chin resting over his arms. “What’s that?”

“Oh, this… _this_ is an incredibly rare magic gem, it existed long, long, _long_ ago! It’s called ‘Somnium’. A great wise Master from long ago used to gather Somnium and use it to help his apprentices sleep. It has many other uses, but that’s all the Master ever told me.” It explains holding out the gem towards him. “It has other properties like being able to ensure that the person that eats it would have the deepest desires of their heart come true! Although the Master said it was a… a… a ‘metaphor’ I’ve had other friends that said they had good dreams after taking Somnium.” 

Chirithy was offering him ‘medicine’ or so what would be categorized as a temporary cure to his condition. Whether his ‘great Master’ or ‘other friends’ had truly said the block to have such effects, Ventus still doubted it. He’s losing himself, slowly but surely, he’d be gone in a matter of months, or maybe days… what could a small little gem do that would make his condition worse? Besides, Chirithy seemed like he’d have children younger than him as ‘masters’ before and the gem he believed to be so powerful is just some incredibly shiny and fancy rock candy. 

“You’re giving this to me?” He asks and takes that gen into his hands. 

It was a small cube that glowed a certain way that made it seem alive. _They made fancy candy back in the day, huh?_ He comments as he pops the purplish block into his mouth and crushed it with his teeth. The block quickly disintegrates into dust, and the dust wafts down his throat like air. It was a delicious tasting candy, he had to admit. It was sweet and ridiculously filled with hundreds or maybe thousands of flavor profiles with every second it lingered in his mouth and body. He moves about, his arms swinging in full motion, his heart beating loudly over his chest and ears; his chest rising and falling in an erratic pace. He felt his body _move,_ he could feel himself and every single act he has with a clear and sharp sensation that he hasn’t felt since he passed out in the Realm of Darkness. His blues blinked in successive flutters, in disbelief of how much of his strength and feeling had returned by just one block of Somnium. 

In all of the days he’s felt like death on the inside, but at this very moment, he could feel every fibre of his being, every blood vessel pumping through him and every muscle that flexes whenever he moved. His heart didn’t feel empty, didn’t feel corroded in void misery. He felt whole. Complete, as he should be. 

As if Vanitas never left. 

“May it grant you, your wish, Ven.”

* * *

It was addictive to feel complete; to have every nerve and muscle under control, to notice every small dip and change in his body. For a time, he had forgotten that he's able to feel emotions past his reluctant regrets. He's wallowed in his misery and detestable actions that damned him to his eventual erasure. It was refreshing to feel so immensely _whole_ that even if he needed a square or two of Somnium, he didn’t mind. It was just some fancy candy Chirithy’s past owners had taken. If only he’d known that sugar would make him feel this way, he would have asked Aqua to make cookies for him long ago. 

Somnium was like a cure-all. All of the emptiness he’s nurtured inside had faded away, his need to make reparations before his own disappearance was gone too. He didn’t have fainting incidents anymore, and he managed to fall into a deep restful slumber. He finally had time to _rest_ , his soul and his heart. His heavy mind, delirious if his past indiscretions and wrong choices had damned him to Darkness, had found the sweet repose it so dearly needed. Ventus was thankful, perhaps Chirithy only meant for it to affect his mood psychological and that it’s in his head, whatever his new found friend had did to a block of purple candy, he’s grateful.

He found himself again. 

All he needed was that ‘medicine’, Somnium. 

Just a little of it was enough. Once a day, just one. He’d wake up from his sleep, recharged and re-energized, starting the day with a view of sun rays through the large glass window of his room. He’d wake up to the faint feeling of warmth on his skin, his basic black tank top creased in his sleep, his arms thrown over the side and the other over his face. He breathes a deep sigh and groans as he brings himself back to consciousness. He sits up and runs his fingers through his messy bed hair and stares out to the window expectant of the beautiful sunrise, only to view pitch black void. 

“What?!” He yells out, the abyss answers back in echoes. “This can’t be… No! I—I'm healed!” His desperate declarations bounced around him, distorted as it mocked his naivety. 

He slams his hands over the window, his only reprieve since he’s tried to hit the void before, and it was like punching air. He slams over it again, seeing his hands covered in his metallic armor, his armed hand pounds over the glass and in an instant, the sound of shattering glass rang around him. The ‘window’ he saw through breaking into dust, guided away. He looks down over himself, he’s dressed in his armor, the greenish-blue hues over beat metal, he looks down over his hands and catches a glimpse of dried barren land under his armored feet. 

“Please don’t do this, Master! I’m not strong enough!” 

He turns his head to the side, his bedroom long gone and replaced by the dusty wasteland of the Badlands. He sees himself, without the crest of Master Eraqus, terrified and encircled by spawns of high level Heartless. He remembers this, a part of him knew of the fear that he must have felt at the time. He didn’t want to call on his Keyblade, he didn’t want to call upon the powers he knew to be in the depths of his soul. He stares at himself, small, young, afraid—a _child,_ defenseless and weak, unwilling to fight and yet dragged on for the satisfaction of a man he called ‘Master’. 

The Ventus from his past puts up his arms in a weak shield, before the Neoshadows lunged in simultaneous attack, scratching and clawing away at his pale arms, gashing his arms and open cut wounds on his chest, arms and legs. He stares at his young self, his distant blue eyes frozen in fear as he helplessly takes the attacks without fight, his desperate cries muted behind his throat. Ventus started to count down from three, pushing himself forward, standing as a phantom to his half-dead body. 

_Three_ . Master Xehanort approaches, he prattles on with the weakness of Ventus’s heart. He calls upon his Keyblade. The black and silver Key that held immense power. _Two_ . Master Xehanort raised No Name over him, the tops of it’s blade formed a light that shot through him. Ventus winces at the view, he meets his own eyes in petrified rage. His heart’s pace quickens, he knew what Master Xehanort was doing. He knew _who_ would appear soon. He’d ventured enough into his own head to know that what he’s feeling is excitement. He’s excited to see him… unfortunate as it was, this moment—this very moment where he almost died and discarded, was a moment he has come to cherish.

_One._

The ground under him breaks, the memory of his rebirth and Vanitas’s existence cracked along with it. He falls down slipping through the cracks of the broken platform, the memories he had entwined with five other faces he couldn’t recall, to the faces of Aqua and Terra. _Sora_. All his friends… the abyssal darkness surrounding him fades into a warm light, it pulls at him and tugs him back into its glow and protection. Far away from the darkness that dared to entrap him in his harrowing past. He relaxes into the pull, his falling sensation at the forefront of his mind as he allowed the light to guide him—

“—To you the name, Vanitas, shall be given.”

Ventus’s heart ached at the mention of his name. His body had already succumbed to the fall, and yet he tried with all his might to fight the pull. He tried to lift his head and peer through the blinding light engulfing his body, all in an effort to get a glimpse of the boy he knew to be half his heart. However, even if he manages to fight the force of the pull, he knew that he wouldn’t be able to see his face. 

But he wanted to. 

With the last remaining strength he has, whether conscious or not, he raised his hand and reached for Vanitas’s dusting image. It was useless, he knows the memory wouldn’t change. He wouldn’t look his way because that’s not how the memory goes… Still, he held out his hand wishing for the impossible. 

Ventus opens his eyes to Chirithy’s frantic flapping. Its white cape waving about as it panics around and over his laying form. He breathes out a sigh, noticing that his body’s numbness returns, the feeling of sticky sweat over his legs and arms, his top completely drenched with sweat. He takes another deep breath, realizing the weight over his chest double in load. It was a labor to sit up, the creeping feeling of tendrils latched to him as he slept, locked him in place. He forced himself to sit up, barely catching Chirithy’s crying waddle by his arms. 

“Ven!!! I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!” It shakes its head in frantic frenzy. “I couldn’t stop the darkness, they got to you! They made you have a nightmare! I’m sorry!” 

_Of course, it’s back._ He knew it the moment he felt himself fall back into the abyss. It would never go away, not completely. Not in the way Ventus had hoped. Although, there was a plus side to having Somnium in his system. It helped him forget the darkness that had sucked and leached away at his life force, the darkness that had corroded his light that made even the simplest of tasks a bother. For a while, the short time that it’s effects could be felt, he was normal. He was back to being ‘Ventus, future Keyblade Master’. But then, Somnium’s effect would run out and it’s like his sweet sugar rush had faded _and_ drained him whatever remaining strength he had.

“Chi-Chiri… ty…” He sighs and falls back to his pillows, feeling like a thousand pounds have been slammed over him. He groans in a daze, the image of Chirithy going double before him. It was chore to keep his eyes awake, and worse to speak. He got away with grunts and noncommittal shrugs. Though the most important worry of theirs that he managed to assuage without word or eye-contact is that he was alive. Although steeped again in the worrisome blackness of his nightmares, its claws stabbed at his head, arms and legs, Ventus still exists. 

“This is my fault Ven! I shouldn’t have fallen asleep…” Chirithy concludes and opens his purse again, pulling out Somnium from it. I shouldn't have ever given you a Somnium block! I just thought that it could make things better…. I’m sorry Ven.” It wallows in its misery, making small groaning sounds.

“No… I'm fine.” Ventus rasps out, he didn't blame anyone. There's no one to blame but himself. Had he been more stable, reclaimed his other half like he should, if he stood his ground against Master Xehanort before… all of this, wouldn't have happened. Vanitas didn't have to be torn out of him… and he didn't need to face the terrible consequences of being Master Xehanort's apprentice. He didn't have to fade away for having lost his purpose. 

“I saw… him.” He says in a whisper. 

_I saw him, I saw him Chirithy._ He thinks more excitedly, unable to speak in a way he wished. His throat clogs up with an impending sob, his eyesight turns watery at the thought. There was an emptiness on his chest he couldn't fathom, and seeing Vanitas again, made his heart ache for him. Chirithy was right, about the Somnium, it did give him the rest he needed, but it also… gave him a glimpse of what his heart had wished for with all it's broken half could. 

Vanitas.

“It… not a night… mare.” Ventus struggles with lifting his hand, petting Chirithy's head. He tries to laugh but it turns into a wince, and holds his hand out.“I… want another one, please… I want to… see him again. Please, Chirithy.”

“No, Ven! You're too unstable! We don't know what could happen, if you take another Somnium Block…” It holds its chest purse protectively, shaking his head and denying any form of compromise. It woke up to Ven’s body almost completely consumed by Darkness, it scared his entire soul to think that perhaps whatever he gave may have inadvertently made Ventus’s condition much worse. He wouldn’t risk the life of his friend like that, not after waiting so long to find him again. 

Ventus sniffs, his chest aching at the answer. He heaves in chase of his breath, the warm trail of tears prickle at his eyes. He was so close. Vanitas was being made, he was right there! He could’ve stayed a little longer, could’ve kept dreaming for a second more and he’d seen him! He could’ve yelled, though hollow it may be, that he was sorry. He could have told him that he didn’t want him to vanish, that he didn’t want to be alone—that he needed him as desperately as Vanitas did, all those years ago. If only he held on for one second more…

_One more… Please._

“I need to see him!” He nearly shouts, followed by a sob. “I need to… I need to, please, Chirithy. Please!” Chirithy didn’t respond, it only bowed its head in a despondency. Ventus cried out, slamming his balled up fists to the side of his mattress in frustration. “I just… I want to see him… just one more time. With all my heart.” _Or rather, what’s left of it._

That’s how it started. How _just one more,_ became _just one a day._ How ‘one a day’ became two, three… and as of the current month, six. It was just _candy_ , Ventus reasons; the worse that it could be medicine. He’s taken some flu medicine before and it worked exactly like Somnium. He’d get better, feel less pain or muscle ache, but over time it fades away. What he’s curing isn’t a regular flu, after all; it was his heart. The core of who he is and the start of his existence. He couldn’t just stop taking Somnium, it stabilized him. It made his heart _feel_ complete without actually being complete.

In a month’s time, Ventus had grown dependent over taking it. He hid the fact from Aqua and Terra, and made Chirithy promise not to tell anyone. He didn’t want them to worry. He was doing fine, he may even have found a loophole to nature’s design, and he did it all by himself. He may need to keep refreshing his stock of Somnium blocks in order to function, continuing to increase his intake the longer Sora’s disappearance gets. 

But he was doing great… he was fine. 

He claims it over and over again, and yet, Aqua still hadn’t allowed him near the training ground since he suffered his sleeping spells; he wasn’t even allowed within the magic and armory halls, even for cleaning! Aqua had banned him from any place that could mean a threat to his existence. She instituted that a month and a day would be enough for her to be sure that he could handle training again. He supposed it's because Aqua loves him, but… some days he wished Aqua… loved him a little less. He hates that he had to think that way, but some days… he feels so trapped and untrustworthy.

Ven presses his lips together and winces. _Today was a month and a day,_ he’d built his health back to normal and Aqua had acknowledged that he was ‘getting better’. He was excited to go back to training and learning new ways of using Wayward Wind. It was all he could think about and considered, as he moved himself under the blankets. The sweat rolled down his skin, the sticky sensation plastered his clothes over his skin and matted his blond hair on his face. He really hated waking up without Somnium in his system. It was an automatic nightmare the moment he closed his eyes, and then he had to wake up and feel the nightmare come to life. His entire body heavy like lead as he trudges to his stash of Somnium hidden on his desk. 

Nothing. The blocks he’d stocked up were gone. He pulls his drawer in panic, they couldn't have disappeared?! _No, no, no_ — **_No!_ ** He was supposed to go back to training today, he was going to get his life back. He heaves in a deep breath, his throat feels like it’s locking up and his hands start to get clammy. He grips the edge of his desk, pressing the pads of his fingers and thumbs over the flat surface. He takes a labored breath, fighting his involuntary instinct to hiccup. 

“V-Ven?”

He writhes in pain, the unseen claws dipped on his back twists, making fall over his own desk. He bites his lower lip until he tastes rust and curses under his breath. Chirithy had seen him. Chirithy had called him… _wait a minute… Chirithy!!!_

“Ven! What’s wrong?” Chirithy hops to table, “Are you—“

“—Somnium.” Ventus says simply, the eyes pressed to the surface of the desk shut tight. “I need it. Give it to me.” 

Its sewn eyes shut tight, shaking his head as he holds out his chest purse. He mumbles apologies before he shakes the contents of the purse empty. There was no more of that purplish block, Ventus had used it all up. _No! That’s impossible…. I couldn’t have, I… I didn’t use that much! I still… I still haven’t even seen him yet! No! NO!_ **_NO!_ **

“Ven, that’s enough!” Chirithy cries out, it’s rounded paws over his hands,the tips of his fingers trailed a path of scratched wood. His nails are filled with fresh drops of blood and gashes from splits. He doesn’t recall ever scratching the surface. 

“Sorry… I… I didn’t—“

A knock on the door. “Ven? Are you awake, Terra and I have a surprise for you!” It was Aqua. She knocks again and announces that she would be entering his room. 

Ventus grits his teeth and clenches his core, he takes a particular relaxed, yet powerful stand. All in hopes of bluffing his way back to the life he craved. It was so close, _he_ was so close. Aqua must have fetched him to tell him that she’s going to keep her promise and bring him back to training with them. She opens the door and Ventus feels the effects of Somnium drain from in slow motion. 

“Hey, sleepyhead, I came to get you!” She greets with a happy cheer. “You ready to join Terra and I for training today?” 

Ventus balls his hand to a fist, the splints on his fingers dug deep to his palms. His calloused hands a gift of thicker skin, as Aqua ruffled his head with genuine look of concern. 

“Ven?”

He perks up, his reactions noticeably more studied and planned. They weren’t actually reactions, but anticipated answers. He nods with a fake smile and plastrs a bright-eyed look on his face. “You bet!” 

“That’s what I want to hear!” Aqua chuckles and heads out of the room, she glances back to him, tilting her head in wonder. “See you there?”

Ventus only laughed, his knees buckled. The moment the door shuts close he lets himself fall over the floor, the invisible wound on his back, the twisting pain on his bicep and things. The burning sensation of being rescinded oxygen stabs at his chest. He wanted to hurl, his head felt dizzy and his eyes had gone blurry. He was in no condition to train, but if he backs out of this, there’s no telling when Aqua or Terra would allow him to wield his Keyblade again. 

_I need to... I need to just… last today._

* * *

It didn’t take long for Ventus’s strength to give out. He took three blows and a parry with Terra, and he’s on his ass on the training grounds. Out of breath and out of strength, his sweat pools around his clothes, the heat from the sun burning around him like he's next to it. His lungs were on fire and he hated having to end a match without even a chance of winning one match. It was detestable. How could he still lose to Terra so badly, are their gap in strength and power so far? Did he not grow at all in his own journey… did he…. 

_So weak! You’re still so weak!_ He hears a voice echo in his head. It sounded gritty, gashed and impatient. If the voice could have struck him, it would have. _Let the dark impulses waken in the pit of your heart!_

He shakes his head, forcing his feet under him. He lets out a low grow and harranessed all his strength to his feet, launching himself forward. He knows he couldn’t beat Terra head on, that wasn’t the way to beat someone with a great physical advantage. He needed to be smart,he needed to be crafty. He visualizes his path, thinking of where to launch his attack through a barrage of fake swipes and rushes. Terra had held his ground and held Earthshaker to a guarded stance in front of him. 

_I know the Master said not to harm you, but—_

Ventus takes his visualized path and braces himself for the impending guard, ready to counter it with an aero spell. Terra steels himself and slashes upwards, parrying Ventus’s attack—as planned, Ventus imagined in his mind the magic he’s so accustomed to using, calling for the great winds to come to his head and boost him higher into the air—he opened his eyes and saw Terra’s terrified face, his blues wide in panic, his clenched and his stance skewed. Aqua had rushed forward and pushed Terra away, she brought Stormfall above her head and casted Barrier. Ven watches the translucent magic shield them from an attack that could only be described as a swarm of tendrils of darkness, he summoned from himself. 

All were in shock, but none more than Ventus, himself. As soon as he realized what he had summoned, he froze. He fell from the air, Wayward Wind disappearing from his hand. Fear scattered around him, his legs and arms were unresponsive, as he’s thrown back to the training grounds like a rag doll. He didn’t know what happened, he didn’t know how he could have summoned _that … abomination,_ when all he was imagining in his casting mind were the great winds. He was a creature of pure light, unable to call forth darkness, weak and vulnerable to the same, and yet… the burnt of his attack scarred their training grounds with cracks and an impact over the walls and ground that weren’t covered by Aqua’s barrier. 

“Ven!?”” Aqua rushes to him, “Ven!” 

He scoots away. _I can’t, I can’t be next to her. I can’t be next to my friends!!! Terra… Aqua! I’m sorry!_ He takes a head start and dashes away. He runs and runs, _and runs._ He doesn’t know how long he’s ran, how far away he’s gotten, but he knows that he couldn’t stop. The attack he just did, the darkness that had its claws over and inside him, was that it, was he absorbing the Darkness that had him drowning in his sleep? Was this because… Somnium’s effect has gone and he’s no longer protected—he stumbles with his footing, the path he chooses suddenly steep and unclimbable. He takes a pause and hears nothing. Aqua hadn’t chased him, neither did Terra— _good, I don’t… I don’t want them to get hurt… whatever’s becoming of me._

He stares up at the peak of the mountains, but before he could take another step, the mountainous trail he stood breaks apart like glass. His footing gone and his body suspended back into the eternal abyss he had run away from—that he thought he’d been rid of since he started taking his _medicine._ His nightmare played, the visions and images were the same. The faces of unknown friends flashed briefly, before he’s staring at the endless sky scattered with meteor showers.He watched the sky bleed to gray and dust, the scene ray dusting away his home, putting him before the man he had not recollection of, but once called ‘Master’. 

Xehanort smirks his ominous smile and as if he could see Ventus too, he summons No Name, and prepares to strike. Ventus, out of instinct, calls for Wayward Wind, only to be confused at how he’s raising his Keyblade above his head. He looks down and sees a muscle tight suit over him, his chest larger and more defined than he remembered, his arms covered in the same elastic suit with a red bracer and gloves. 

_Vanitas?_

“Come! Show me your power!” Xehanort goads.

Ventus doesn’t want to move, he couldn’t feel himself at all. Yet, the image plays and he sees himself, as Vanitas, move forward. He dashes forward and warps above Master Xehanort, and warps again to evade the upward Keyblade strike. It takes a couple of minutes for Vanitas to land a blow, stronger enough, that sends Xehanort sliding back. On the old man’s face was a satisfied grin, he gestures towards him, incredibly suspicious and menacing. 

“You… are of my creation… a Darkness so inconceivably pure, it only knows strength.” He clicks his tongue and stands upright. “Now go. Seek your other half, and forge for me the χ-blade!”

_χ-blade…_

The view of the Badlands broke, like shattering glass, it fell down around him, while he remained suspended in air. He doesn’t feel a thing, he’s unable to keep his emotions intact, the fear he had of Master Xehanort, lost to him. His worry or doubt, gone. He only knows that he’s an existence that never should have been. He was an anomaly, a mistake, his presence isn’t one that was accepted by nature. He was created to become a weapon, a chat to fate and destiny. Without his purpose, how else could he reason to keep breathing. Everything about him wanted to disappear and that’s exactly what the claws in his soul wanted, to fix Nature. He was a glitch and an imbalance. 

He should just disappear.

He wasn’t supposed to exist. His time was just borrowed. Sora had saved him one too many times, they were luck. Even the champion of light couldn’t keep him from fading away. It must be his destiny to disappear. He hears himself hiccup, he felt his face wet with tears, his mouth salty, as the trail from his eyes run past his lips. He was crying. He knew he should just willingly go, so that he wouldn’t cause anymore pain. He saw what he could have done to his friends, if he continues to defy his fate—he hears echoes of his sobs, the abyss around an accurate mirror of his pain. He reasons for his erasure, he knew and understand what must be done, and yet… 

_I don’t wanna go. I don’t wanna go… I don’t wanna disappear…_

He looks down, the infinite voi stretching under him, the tendrils of darkness already latched over his ankle, pulling him down. He struggles to fight’s grip, but more tendrils strike up and around his waist and arms, subduing his fight, and sinking him further down. Ventus stares up, there was no light, no hope and no escape. He was trapped in Darkness. 

_“I do stand by your side. I am the shadow that you cast. How much closer can I be?”_

Ventus’s head shoots up, the voice in his ear unmistakeable, his azure eyes gaze up at the faintest dot of light above him. He fights the Darkness that captures him, willing himself to reach up, straining his arms and pushing against the Darkness that captures him. He might have thought that he could have won, he could’ve been hopeful; but the more he resisted the stronger the Darkness tried to devour him. His outstretched hand was covered in darkness, only his eyes remained pure, the last bits of light shining above him like a dying sun. 

_Help me… please… Vanitas!_

  
  
  


Ventus stirs, his eyes flutter open to the view of the dark blue skies and the stars of Land of Departure. He made it out of… _Right, it was a nightmare._ He groans, still heavy and weighed down; he absolutely hated that nightmares are a thing to actually fear for him. He didn’t need to be beat by something only in his imagination! And yet, he could take away the images in his head. The constant memories that play made him sure that Nature simply hated him and his anomalous existence. He groans again, lifting his hand above him looking to the sky through the dips of his fingers.

“Still sleeping in questionable places, I see.” A sarcastic tone rings around him. “You haven’t changed, huh, Ventus?” 

_Was it… is it?_ He lifts himself up, the weight he felt suddenly vanishes into thin air. Sitting at the edge of the cliff, right where he would have sat, was Vanitas. He wore his usual muscle suit, the helmet he’s always worn was gone, except for the metallic piece that covered his jaw and ears. He glances at him, scoffing when their eyes meet; Ventus feels his chest pound. It pounds loud and hard, hammering through him like a drum. He hears his mind call out Vanitas’s name over and over, excitement filled him. 

But still, all he managed to say was: “You’ve obviously haven’t slept under the stars before.” In a cheeky tone with a look so bored and disinterested. He takes his position, his hand at a ready to call his Keyblade, any sudden movement from Vanitas and he’d take him out. It’s the least he could do before he…

Vanitas turns to him, his chin propped up over his palm. “I’m not going to hurt you.” He says bored, hopping off of the ruins he sat on, and teleports on the space beside Ventus. He flicks at his forehead and rolls his amber eyes. “You called me, idiot.”

“I did?” Ven wondered aloud, his blues peering closely at Vanitas’s warm colored irises. “You… heard that, really?”

“I hear you all the time.” He answers and flicks Ventus’s forehead, again. He chuckles at the defenselessness persona that Ventus showed, amused that he could easily whack him with his Keyblade with how unsuspecting he sat there. “You talk a lot when you sleep. You spend days in your head too, and all those whiny baby words you use? I hear them too.” 

“Hey!” Ventus finally breaks from his surprised stupor. He glares at Vanitas and huffs. “Is that what you came here for; to tell me that I should stop being so whiny?”

Vanitas chuckles. “Think about it, idiot. Where were you before you got here?”

“Huh?” He remembers the images, the darkness, the pit and pull it had over him. He remembers the nightmares turned real, the magic he used that summoned a swarm of darkness that nearly obliterated his friends. He was drowning. He was always… _drowning_ and then he reached to the light above him, the one that shone like a dying sun. 

Ventus's mouth fell open in disbelief. “You… You saved me.”

“Bingo.” He snaps for emphasis and applauded Ventus’s choice of words. He looked away, choosing to look at the stars that hung in front of the hazy seas of the night. “Nice to finally be appreciated.” He says in a lighter voice.

“What do you mean?” Ventus questions, pushing himself off the ground, walking next to Vanitas. They stared at the dark sky glittered by the shine of a million stars. He watches the clouds get blown away by the wind, the night sky shines brighter than before.

In the moment, Ventus found himself viewing the bits of his shared memory with Vanitas. The moment they were reborn and recreated to be existences separate from their original self. He peeks at Vanitas, quietly standing beside him, eyeing every part of him that he could never have seen up close. Marking the points of his face, the faded and healed scar on his cheek, the glow of his obnoxious irises and the curve of his lips. 

There was a part of Ventus that wanted to _see_ Vanitas. Not just as he is now, not the scars on his face or the marks on his chest and back, the manner that his hair spiked up and about. No, Ventus wanted to see him… _all of him_ , he wanted to know… if Vanitas had truly… 

“I’m sorry.” Ventus says, clear and out of nowhere. “I’m sorry I left you Vanitas.” 

Vanitas only raised a brow at him. 

“Uh...I… I’ve been dreaming about you—“both of Vanitas’s brows arched up, his lips fighting off and amused smile”—not like… You know what, never mind.” 

“No, tell me, Ventus.” He muses, completely smug. His entire body turns to face him, his half-smile directed to him with a glimmer of teasing.

Ventus pouts and turns away, thankful that it was still dusk and the place was still covered with a blanket of secluded peace. He didn’t have to risk having to look more like an idiot than Vanitas originally thought he was already. He needed to calm down, Vanitas was just… being Vanitas. This side of him that wasn’t remotely threatening was new, and it was… nice. Ventus had wanted to double check himself, he figured a lot about Vanitas with the use of his memories and the nightmare that gripped him, but even without those things, he would have still apologized. Vanitas didn’t need to know that he shares his memory of the Badlands. 

“I was too naive. Too blind to have noticed what you were doing for me.” He mumbles, eyes looking at the stars. “It must have been hard for you too… to have been alone, when it’s all you feared.” 

Vanitas made a sound, a cross of a huff and a hum. “...You were too weak to do what the Master had wanted. There was no point in keeping you there, that’s how I thought it should be.” He takes a deep breath and puts a hand over Ventus’s messy blonde hair. “Then I went days, months… years of living far from you, and all I could feel was that I was missing a part of me that I needed.” 

Ventus had tried to turn his head, but Vanitas’s grip over his head held him in place. Ventus wanted to laugh, it was amazing how Vanitas thought his actions through, how he figured that Ventus would turn his head to him. He knew how to handle him, even when they never really spent much time together. Ven laughs and reaches up over his head, placing his hands over Vanita’s gloved one. 

“... I was never at peace until we joined together.” He states in solemn sadness. “You’re my home, Ventus. I’d do anything to protect you… even if it means destroying you… or myself, you wouldn’t have agreed.”

“Do you hear how ridiculous you sound?” Ven reaches blindly with his left hand, feeling his chest and smacks it, once he’s sure he’d be able to hit him. “Destroy me to protect me!?” He shakes off the hold on his head and furiously turns to his side, glaring at Vanitas was a mix of rage and frustration. “How is that protecting me!?”

“When I tried to kill you, the Master brought you here, didn’t he?” 

“Yeah.”

“When I chased you around worlds and taunted you by harming your friends, didn’t you get stronger?”

Ventus nods, not following the direction Vanitas was driving at. 

“And when we finally met at the Graveyard and I… _we_ became whole, you had the strength to end things. You were always too naive, too weak to do what you have to. If you didn’t hate me, if I didn’t goad you into a fight, The Master would have gotten what he wanted.” He scoffs, mockingly. “I don’t think I could live with that.” 

Ventus takes it in, he doesn’t fight and doesn’t argue. He keeps his quiet, no matter the fury that brews inside him. He didn’t know why Vanitas wouldn’t just tell him, why did he… have to act on his own! He’s not… He’s not supposed to be like this, he should’ve had people to depend on. He should’ve trusted that Ven would keep his promise, if not, then they could have made different ways. He didn’t have to do everything by himself! 

“But you could live with me hating you.” He clicks his tongue. “Did you think that maybe I didn’t want to hate you?”

Vanitas’s half smile was back. “Why, do you hate me, Ventus?”

It was annoying, that smile, it was so annoying that Ventus wanted to punch him then and there. Maybe it was because it's Vanitas, he usually never had the urge to hit anyone in his life; but Vanitas always manages to make the exception to his list. Of course, he had declared himself to be the one that goaded him to fight—Vanitas better thank his punchable face for that; but the question stands: _did he hate Vanitas?_

His face suddenly felt hot to touch, his anger subsided to be replaced with a swirling sensation on his stomach, the prickling feeling of the hairs of his neck and arms standing and the frustrating need to keep a straight face. He bites his lower lip and averts his eyes.

“No… I don’t.”

Vanitas hums and chuckles. “I see.”

It was nearing dawn, the sky they looked so fondly at began to change to a softer pastel, yellows, pink and so blues began to color the clouds. It was a peaceful view, the sunrise after a detestable nightmare, after the events of calling upon a dark power he never thought he could; and, finally, seeing the person he had wished to see. There were a lot more pressing concerns than their concluded past, but Ventus found himself seeking the peace between them more than the idea of having Vanitas fade back to him. 

“Ventus.” Vanitas starts, walking forward, reaching out his gloved hand towards the rising sun. “Tell me. What do you dream about?” 

The question was simple, but the answer was a lot more complex than Ventus thought he could explain. There were nightmares of drowning and fading away, but there were dreams where he finds Vanitas and completely himself. Somehow, it felt more comfortable to talk about the nightmares than the fact that he dreams about being with Vanitas more than twice since he’s gone. He’d see Vanitas smile that annoyingly handsome… **annoying** smile and it would be chaotic for his body. He’s unaccustomed to creatures of darkness and Vanitas was one walking, breathing and talking creature of _pure_ darkness, and yet, he’s been sitting next to him and _nothing._ Perhaps it was because Vanitas is _his_ darkness and his Darkness is a same polar magnet to each other. They would naturally repel each other. As long as Vanitas stands next to him, he’d be okay. 

“You want to unite with me?” Vanitas says, the phrase passing his lips in such an unsure tone made Ventus laugh. Some many times had Vanitas demanded that they do, Ventus had fought so hard to prevent and break the unification… _and still_ , he found himself laughing way too hard at the difference a couple of months gone had made Vanitas change. 

Ventus bows his head low and plays with his hands. “I… I don’t, honestly. I don’t think we should ‘unite’... It would be unfair to you. Like you said, you have been a part of me, but not all of it is just ‘me’. There’s ‘you’ and I… I don’t feel comfortable taking that from you.” 

“That kid really rubbed off on you, huh?” 

“Sora?” He wonders, Vanitas nods nonchalantly. “He did, I’m grateful.” 

They walked the path that Ventus had run off using. It was much farther than anyone at Land of Departure had trekked. It was no wonder that Aqua or Terra didn’t go looking for him, or maybe, they respected him enough to get him space to deal with what happened. His condition wasn’t as great as it should be, after all. As they neared the entrance of the castle, the sun had risen to it’s daybreak position, it hung against the light blues and azure, against the wispy clothes and summer air. It was peaceful, a sight to behold, better than sunsets—Ventus thinks, he planned to ask Vanitas which he preferred but he was gone. 

Aqua came running to him, her eyes were strained with worry. “Where did you go? Ven, where were you?!” 

His answer was mechanically, he had no interest in explaining that he passed out again and managed to get himself well enough to wake upon waking up at the side of the training grounds. He didn’t want to even talk about _who_ it was that may have saved him. It was a conundrum to how and why Vanitas would do such a thing, unless of course… he was serious about… doing everything to protect Ven. 

His cheeks start to burn, while the pounding on his chest made him fear that his ribs might break. Wherever Vanitas has disappeared to, he just hopes he couldn’t hear how loudly his heart responded at the thought of him. 

* * *

It took awhile but Aqua and Terra had finally allowed him to sleep back in his own room. He was settled into the infirmary of the castle so that either Aqua or Terra could take turns guarding him from whatever they have feared. Ventus’s resistance to dark elements had made anything that is within that nature completely lethal to him. It was understandable that the two were especially wary at night, however, after Ventus had made contact with Vanitas, the sensation of lacking or being incomplete had left him. There was no longing, no empty regrets that he wished to change. He just wanted to see him again, that was all he cared about, because even if he doesn’t say it out loud, that short moment with Vanitas made him feel whole, completely, more than any Somnium block or how Sora’s heart felt. 

Vanitas… being with him, it felt right. It was like he’s come home, after being lost for hundreds of thousands of years. He was home. _Finally._

Was it weird to say that he looked forward to the night? Of falling asleep… and perhaps having a nightmare? It sounded weird to himself, but it was the only way to get Vanitas to appear again. He had left him, abruptly, once they got back to the castle. Late did he notice that the feeling of dread and regret didn’t cling to him anymore, that he actually felt lighter than usual. The following days had Aqua, Terra and Chirithy have all guarded him like they could have done anything against the Darkness his inside knew, though no nightmares had come at first, there was one and the only time it stopped was when Vanitas sat on his infirmary bed, placing a hand over his chest. 

_“Vani—“_

_“Quiet. You’re supposed to be asleep.”_

_“I had a—“_

_“I know. Why do you think I’m here?”_

It was cheeky of him to act like that. Ventus wanted to think of Vanitas as a living nightlight, just to poke a hole in whatever it is that got to him—to Vanitas—that made him act this way. Why was he… why was he helping him, was it really because Ventus was his home and he doesn’t want anything bad to happen to him? Why would he fade away and endanger their lives, only for him to come back days before Ventus’s probably demise? Ventus could have gone on with his doubts, his question and his fears, but he admits… that having Vanitas by his side as he slept, filled a strange need in him that he never noticed until then. 

Often he'd find himself reaching out into the dark, his heart resonating with another inside his room. Vanitas would snort or huff, he'd make a sound that he was there, if only to put Ventus at ease and allow him to sleep. 

It was their dynamic. Vanitas would only come when Ventus needed him. It was unfair the way the events unfolded. He was told that he needed his other half to stop whatever pain or vulnerability he had for the Darkness. He knew that he merely needed to ask Vanitas, his plaiant attitude a shift from the stubbornness back at the Graveyard. He was back to square one with Vanitas then, his own selfishness present when he had declared to bring him home. Vanitas had made a choice, no matter how stupid it was, he made it on his own to exist for himself regardless of the consequence that could happen. Ventus stops himself from thinking more, with how his progression of thought went, he'd only fight Vanitas when he gets there. 

He slips under the covers and into his dreams. The world beneath him was stained glass, it was of himself and Vanitas. Each side of the platform held their images. It was their heart, combined together. Complete. He smiles to himself, perhaps he wasn't about to have a nightmare. Just as the thought passes his mind the platform under him breaks. The shattered pieces of the platform hung around him, paused in suspended time and air. Darkness would claim him again. He doesn't fight and let's himself flow towards the pull. This was always what he was meant to do, to fade back into the Darkness that slept inside him, his burst of Dark Magic was enough proof of that. His existence shouldn't have gone on for so long, he'd only be a burden to himself and those that would care for him… 

_You really think that little of the friends you never shut up about?_

“Vanitas?” He mumbles to himself, the shattered platform begins to fall around him, the pieces clash and storm around, breaking a second or even third time. It tried to drown out Vanitas's voice, as if to say that he wouldn't be able to save him. Darkness had grown used to Vanitas's intrusion to his nightmares, it had known how Vanitas's power would repel and pull Ventus out of its grasp. It was a cheap trick. A useless one too, he didn't need to hear Vanitas to know what exactly his other half meant to do. He needed to remind himself that he wasn't alone, that he had friends and his was a life worth living out for himself and for those hearts that are connected to him. For all the hearts that connected to him, even the remnant of his heart that he refused to take back. 

He opened his eyes to the feeling of being cradled. He wasn't lying down on his bed, he was leaning over someone, the hardness of that person's chest and the quiet way he breathed, told him who it was exactly. Vanitas had him caged, strong arms wrapped over his chest and torso, their legs entwined and tangled. Ventus still felt sticky and gross, the pool of sweaty still apparent on his skin. It made him a little embarrassed to stay in place, but Vanitas's hold on him was too… comforting to break. He couldn't find it in himself to wake him, if he does at all… sleep. 

Ventus lifts his hands and places them over the forearms that crossed over him, as if to say 'stay, don't go'. He puts a small smile over his face before lifting his head up to look into the Vanitas's smirking face and hauntingly beautiful amber eyes. It was amazing how similar they looked, yet still starkly different from each other. It was a wonder that they came from the same heart and yet had developed into their own persons with their own lives and personas. He wondered, if Vanitas thinks it wrong for them to have existed apart for so long?

“I do.” Vanitas speaks up. “Sneaky little Venty, you really think I wouldn't know what you're thinking?”

“Are we wrong to live without each other?” He speaks up, ignoring the challenging tone he laid down. He was genuine in his query, he meant no harm in asking it. “Sora had said we deserved to be our own person, we decide for ourselves.”

“If you asked me before, I would have said yes. Everyday of my cruel existence was agony. Every moment apart from you, was an eternity of wallowing in misery. The first few years when we were raised apart, everything inside me rebelled. I spawned the Unversed and for a second it felt fine. The longing I had, the loneliness I felt, they disappeared.”

He paused and buried his face into Ventus's messy hair. Nuzzling the softness of his hair, inhaling the scent that he carried. Ventus had wiggled and struggled away, complaining that he was gross and sweaty, and Vanitas should be teasing him like this! Vanitas only laughed in return, and pressed Ventus closer to himself. So close that he could feel Ventus's heart beat, how fast it got and how deeply it had beats for him. He felt the same, he had always felt the same. 

“It's scary.” Ventus breaks the silence. “I don't know what to do. I feel broken, my heart… Our heart is still broken. I wasted Sora's gift to me, my second chance. I should've fought harder to take back what was mine from the beginning.” 

“You always were stubborn.” Vanitas sighs out. “If only you had fought from the start you wouldn't be stuck in this position, having Darkness over your shoulder, waiting for you to let down your guard. You're such a pain, you know that?”

Ventus elbows him. “Hey!”

“What?” He cackles, seeing that angry expression on Ventus always cracked him up. 

“You said back then… that we're not the same. What do you mean by that?”

Vanitas snorted and loosened his grip over him. Ventus had wanted the explanation, he wanted it for a long time. Vanitas can't just spout out that they're not the same and disappear into darkness, that was unbearably cryptic. Now that he's here and quite possibly pinned down on his bed. He could finally find the answers to the words he'd said before. He turns on his spot, making himself hug Vanitas, if only to lock him in place so he wouldn't run away from the question again. He stares up at him, pure determination and fight. He's not going to let him go again, not until Vanitas kicks him off of himself. 

“Don't ask stupid questions.”

Ventus says undeterred. “But like you said, I'm an idiot, so all my questions are stupid.”

He grumbled and groaned, his head lolling over to view the sight of the window. It was dawn again, the dark skies fading into daybreak. He takes a breath and stares outside, avoiding Ventus's expectant gaze. “It's what I said. You can be incredibly cruel when you want to be, hmmm… Ventus?”

“Huh?” He answers back, dumbfounded. “I'm not trying to be.”

Vanitas laughs, his maniacal one that used to send shivers down Ventus's spine. He pets his head, his gloved hand running down his spikey blonde hair. “You don't have to try. You just are. Even worse than me.”

It was frustrating, Vanitas had evaded the question and yet he's back to where he was months ago. The same question he had posed a couple of minutes into this talk. It was a circle and he's getting annoyed. He wanted to shout out that they were _the same_ , so that's why he's just as bad or worse as Vanitas--and that's exactly what he did.

“We're the same!”

The light of the sun penetrates through the large glass window on their side, the sun's rays shone through the glass window in a mesmerizing break of sunlight. Vanitas had sighed and pressed a soft kiss over Ventus's head, right where his brows had knotted together in frustration. He chuckles before shaking his head, his body fading away and all that was left under Ventus's arms was an after image and a whisper:

 _No, we're not._

He was gone again. Right as the sun reaches its place in the sky. Vanitas always disappears barely before the sun comes up. Ventus knew it was coming, he had an inkling that it was his nature—his reliance on Darkness—that may have forced him only to appear at night. He understood, he was visibly weaker at night too. He had a vulnerability to the element and perhaps Vanitas felt the same. They truly were incomplete halves of a whole. He wonders, if there's a chance that maybe… they could heal themselves without actually disappearing. Would Aqua… refuse to help Vanitas, would they consider him… if only to save Ventus? He planned to trudge his way down and explain why he's yet to disappear, why the nightmares don't come as hard and as painful as before, but Aqua had beat him to it. 

* * *

Aqua stands with a grim look over her face. Her soft features taut with rage and fury. She wields Stormfall and points at Ventus barely waking enough to stumble out of bed. Ventus stared at her in confusion, his heart pounding over his chest as she casts Barrier around his room, locking him in the translucent wall. She gulps and shuts her eyes, tears falling over her face as she continues to chant the spell in her head. 

“I don't want to do this, Ven!” She shouts.

“Then don't!” Ventus shouts, his voice breaking in panic. He stares at her, his eyes pleading for her to stop. “Aqua! It's me! VEN!”

“Chirithy told me, you used one of Master Xehanort's experiments!” She replies in pain. “I saw you...I saw you, you were shrouded in darkness. You were a conduit to it, it uses you as a portal! Ven… what have you done?!”

“I've done nothing.” Ventus's voice breaks, a crackle sounds from his voice. An almost inhuman growl echoes under his words and tone. “I'm me… I'm me, Aqua.”

She grips her Keyblade in a ready stance. She watches as her dear friend's face bleed out a blackness from his eyes, his mouth breaks open to a wide gnawing mouth, monstrous as his legs and arms transform, the sound of Ventus’s limbs and bones breaking echoes around them. The horrific sight plays right in front of her eyes. How could she have missed the signs, how could she have let Ventus sleep away since that incident at the training grounds. She shouldn’t have believed he would have woken up on his own without the darkness getting to him. 

“You don’t even see… Ven, please. Open your eyes! Come back to us!” She begs, straining her hold over Stormfall, casting Reflect over and over, each time that Ventus pounds on the walls it breaks, only for her to immediately replace the spell it was exhausting. She could barely keep up with the incessant attacks she took. “Ven… What happened… Why… why did you give in?!”

Terra appears, followed behind by the King and Riku. The exchanged looks and The King had announced that Master Yen Sid would follow them after. Each of the Masters took out their Keyblade and harnessed their light to support Aqua’s spell. Together, all of them bound Ventus in his room. The monstrous appearance he took, a blend of human and Heartless, was enough to to shock them all in a frozen stupor. It was Master Yen Sid’s entry that broke them from their disbelief, they huddled together at the throne room, discussing the course of action they would take, whether Ventus would live or if they would do what he had asked all those years ago.

_Put an end to me._

* * *

_What’s happening? Why did they lock me here?_

Ven wonders his room had gone silent and dark, the light of the sun that once penetrated his room had gone and all that was left was the shine that the Reflect spell had. He wondered how Aqua could attack him, why she would trap him inside his room. Had she figured out how unstable he became, did she know that he’s been seeing Vanitas every night? Did she think he betrayed them…? 

“Didn’t you?” Said a familiar voice, though there was no one actually present in his room. It wasn’t Vanitas. The voice was much too light to have come from him. 

He picks himself up, standing. He walks around his room, looking for the source of the voice. He looked out the barred window, the magic cast around it banned the light from shining through, though he could glimpse the sunrise from where he stood. _Huh, sunrise… wasn’t it day… already?_

“It could be anything you want.” The voice speaks again, taunting. “I could give you anything you want, I have that power.”

Ventus follows the voice, the familiarity causing the hairs on his skin to stand. He walks to the only place could have come from: the mirror. His reflection looked distorted. His clothing was drenched and tattered by darkness, his hair had been changed to black and his eyes glowed a malicious yellow, his arms and hands have the corroded color of a Heartless, and his hands have been replaced by a monster’s claws. His reflection stares back at him, smiling eerily. 

“It’s good to see you. Ven.” It speaks without himself opening his mouth. It gazed at him with a hunger present in its eyes. “Wasn’t this what you wished for, to be complete… to have _your Darkness_ awaken and come back to you?” 

“What?” Ventus asked slamming his fist over the mirror, shattering it and the image of the monster that bore his face. “I didn’t want this! I don’t know who you are but you’re not _my Darkness!_ ” He says stubbornly, hitting the mirror once more, the pieces of it fell to the floor and Ventus thrashes still, stomping at the reflective pieces that showed him to be in the image of the monster on the mirror. 

“I’m not you! You’re not me!” He yells out. “I’m not a monster!” 

As he raged on, his anger boiling past his limit. He’s seen nothing but red. Whatever Darkness had come out to mangle him into submission, he wouldn’t do it. He wouldn’t give in. All he needed was to break the mirror. Break where it comes from and he’d be set free. He was sure, he was begging to be sure. He feels a cold air pass through him, a heavy weight pressed over his shoulder and another wrapped over his arm. It was the claws he had seen in the mirror. It had punctured through his skin, stopping him punching the glass into dust. The claws buried slowly over his skin, second by second breaking layer by small layer. The pain was excruciating, plunging deeper and deeper than before. With every jagged opening, the claws had manically laughed as it peeled away at his skin. The razor sharp claws grazed his neck, drawing a line beneath his chin and down to the center of chest. It smiles eerily at him, leaning in close, to lap up at the blood the pour out of his neck. The Darkness that reflected him, the one that had him bound, licks at the running trail of red on his skin. It forces it’s over him, clutching I’m in a needy embrace, making him see the blood that had formed on the tips of his knuckles the gashes he sustained as he broke the pieces into smaller ones.

He felt dizzy. The smell of his blood spread through the air, and al he could do was take it. 

“You struggle so far away from who you are.” He hears his own voice say. “So lost. So helpless. Let go, Ventus.”

He felt himself weaken. The numbing feeling was back, the weird manner of how he was drained out of his emotions and senses made him pliant to the monster’s bidding. He doesn’t move, as his mind and heart strongly willed himself to stop. All he thought of were his friends, how he wanted to protect them; he thought of Vanitas… and how he still planned to save him. He needed to exist for that to happen, he couldn’t give in, not now. He has too much to lose. He breaks away from its hold and stands ready to fight it.

“Let go, Ventus. I’ll keep you safe.” It laughs. The monster’s face changed, his form takes on the person he hoped he wouldn’t have. _Vanitas_ appears before him, in his suit and unmasked form, he opens his arms out and smirks. “Isn’t that what you wanted, Ventus, for me to stay with you?”

“Vanitas…!” He knew that it wasn’t the real Vanitas before him. He knew this was just an image the Darkness was using to break him. He knew…. and yet, just seeing Vanitas’s face calmed him, hearing Vanitas call him ‘Ventus’, speaking of a promise he hadn’t known he’s longed for since he went missing, Ventus felt himself stagger. He knew it wasn’t Vanitas, but he could wish, he could hope… he could want him to be Vanitas. 

Tears had formed over his eyes, he let his guard go and stood open and vulnerable. “Vanitas… I… please… I’m sorry, I don’t know… I don’t know what I did, I messed everything up, I—“ _Vanitas_ walks over to him, pulling him into a possessive embrace. He draws his cold fingers over his warm cheek, pushing away the stray tears.”—I need you to stay with me, I can’t fix this without you! I can’t be me without you!”

 _Vanitas_ hushes him, petting him gently over his head. “I know, Ventus. Let go.” 

_What are you doing, idiot? Do you want to die?!_

“Huh?!” Ventus’s head shot up, his dulled eyes became bright, the light in him flickered awake as he turned to the side, looking for the voice that he knew to insult him so well. The monster before him froze, it’s form and face no longer the one he had originally seen, but his own face only mangled by the darkness. He knew it before it even revealed itself, but he was desperate. 

The floor, walls and ceiling around him breaks. It was unlike his nightmares, unlike his fainting spells when he was getting too weak to Darkness. It was as if some spell broke and for the first time in a long time he managed to see what was real. He sat sprawled on the floor, facing a broken mirror, a huge piece of what shattered was in his hands. He had already slashed himself from the inside of his elbow, the jagged tear of the muscle tissue and sinew apparent to the naked eye. The rest of his arms ached from the same deep wound, he’d injured himself with the mirror it seems. one look at his body, torn skin, flapping around him, fresh blood dripping over his body, staining his clothes and pooling on the floor. He’d made incisions so adeptly made to make him suffer the pain and sensation of it, than actually causing himself harm. Whatever possessed him never intended to kill him, it only wanted him to drown in misery and blood. There were pieces of the broken mirror stuck to skin, his arm and legs, his feet and hands, like blood diamonds, the glittered nut the sunrise. The shard dug deep into his forearm, ready to draw it’s final line to his wrist. The only force that stopped him, was a gloved hand over his wrist. 

Vanitas had stopped him. _It was him, it was really him!_ He wanted to sound joyous, he could barely comprehend or put apart what was real and made up, but the harsh grip Vanitas had on his wrist made it seem like it was real. The gruffness of his voice, the annoyance and frustration in his sigh as he smacked Ventus’s head for doing something so stupid. It was Vanitas, it was _his Vanitas._

He lets the shard go and throws himself into Vanitas’s unsuspecting arms. He sobs in a mix of comfort and joy, seeing him, feeling him against his body, he missed it. He had so much he wanted to say, so much he needed to say that the words jumbled up together, bubbling over his throat. He hugs him by his neck and inhales a scent that could only be Vanitas, the mixed up words rendering him speechless as he cried over him. 

“This… This isn’t like you.” Vanitas had whispered in his ear. 

Ventus shook his head. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry you had to deal with everything yourself! I’m sorry I was weak! I’m sorry I broke us apart! I’m sorry!! It was my fault, it was my fault why you had to be used like this… I’m sorry you didn’t find it in yourself to be whole… I’m sorry I—You shouldn’t have to fade away, you didn’t have to go!“

“Shut up, Ventus.” He says and returns his embrace, protective and comforting. They stay as they are, locked in each other’s arms. Unwilling to move, unwilling to break the suspended air and time that hung around them. Ventus was shaking as he held him against himself, he was sobbing and Vanitas knew he would, again, have to make the difficult decision for both of them. 

“That’s right, Ventus. I am gone. I made my choice long ago.” He takes a shaky breath, while Ventus continues to bury himself on his neck. “This isn’t real. No matter how much I want to be. I can’t… I can’t hold you like this, I can’t fight for you anymore.” 

Ventus shook his head. “No! You can’t! I just got you back! I need you!” 

“You’re just thinking that.” He says, casual and smug, running his fingers through his hair, drawing his touch over his back. “You’re a lot stronger than you think. I should know, I made you strong.” 

“But I… I can’t exist like this, I’m… the Darkness—“ it had almost gotten him a second more and he’d have killed himself and laid out a vessel for the Darkness to take over and wreak havoc anew. He was too weak, he needed Vanitas with him, he needed him, he can’t leave him alone!

“—won’t hurt you anymore.” He scoffs and presses a soft peck over Ventus’s temple. “You can’t sleep your way out of this one, princess.” 

“How can you be sure that it won’t?” He pulls away, his face a deep shade of red, his cheeks wet with tears that continue to fall over him. He couldn’t stop himself for being possessed, he hadn’t even realized it at all, he was too weak to realize and break away from it. He was vulnerable to Darkness because he was missing his… “No… No! Vanitas, no! Don’t please!”

Vanitas was sure, because he’d give up his own existence for him. He’d fade back into his heart, be the protection he needed against the Darkness he had locked away inside. The Darkness he had no idea he possessed, but Vanitas did. 

“You have to let me go because I’m not—“ 

Ventus grabbed him by his black coat, pulling him close to him as he pleaded for him to stop. “Don’t… Please don’t say it, don’t do it, Vanitas. Please, there has to be another way!” 

“—here anymore.” He brandished his half-smile, Ventus glares at him like a petulant child. 

It made him chuckle before he leaned forward, pressing a light, gentle kiss over Ventus’s quivering lips. It was too soft to feel, too gentle to have been Vanitas, and yet Ventus was sure. He shuts his eyes and leaned forward, only to have the feeling against his lips fade away. 

_I’m home, Ventus.  
_

_We will never be apart again._

The barrier around him breaks, the magic that spun in the air disappeared as quickly as it formed. Ventus stares out the window of his room, the blaring sunlight cascading to view. He remembers the words that Vanitas had said, his decision to be known as ‘Darkness’. Childish as he is, he would never accept Vanitas’s decision. He could never see him as just ‘Darkness’, because as he stares out into the day, the sun high in the sky, the light of the morning sun could never compare to how bright he was. 


End file.
